Broken
by Pari
Summary: Grief, betrayal, healing.
1. Chapter 1

**Finch sat momentarily stunned by the news that had just come through over the police scanner. News that he knew would have a profound effect on the work he and Reese did and most assuredly, on how they did it. At that moment, Reese entered and found the paled face Finch seated at his usual place in front of the computer. Reese took in the reddening brims of Finch's eyes and the glossy sheen that coated them and it appeared that the older man was on the verge of tears.**

**"What's wrong Finch?" Reese called out as he frowned up a bit in concern.**

**"Mr. Reese," Finch looked to the man who stood before him, as his mind raced as it tried to form the words. "I just overheard on the Police scanner…there's been an accident, a very bad accident." Reese's brow burrowed more deeply as he contemplated Finch's words, he easily deducted that this 'accident' involved someone Finch apparently knew, and as Reese continued staring at the seated man who stared back at him as if he had more to say but did not know how he should say it, Reese realized the accident involved someone he also knew. Reese let his mind wander on who it could be, who did Finch think mattered so much that he hesitated telling him about their accident. His eyes snapped to Finch's and suddenly he could feel his blood pressure rise and could hear his own heart beating loudly in his ears.**

**"Carter?" Reese asked and then held his breath as he awaited an answer.**

**"Yes," Finch confirmed and he watched as Reese stumbled back a step as if he had just suffered a physical blow. "But it's not Detective Carter." Finch continued knowing that was what Reese had assumed. Relief washed over Reese and his eyes clamped shut for a moment to erase the images his mind had conjured of Carter lying dead in some alleyway. However, his moment of rejoicing was short-lived as realization dawned and once again, he locked eyes with Finch, and silently waited for him to go on. "It's Taylor. Apparently, he was on a school trip to the museum, a driver lost control of their truck, and it hit the bus that Taylor was on, and caused it to go over some bridge…the report said that rescue workers were already on the scene pulling bodies from the river. One of the cops there was from the 8****th**** precinct, Detective Carter's precinct and he identified one of the bodies as Taylor's. He called it in discreetly so they could get word to Carter before the news gets wind of it." Finch had not gotten his last sentence out before Reese had disappeared out the exit.**

* * *

**A short time later**

* * *

**Without being asked Finch sent Reese the whereabouts of Carter, whom he tracked through her cell. Reese arrived at the Jewelry shop that had just been robbed in time to see Carter cuff a perp who apparently had just killed the owner while attempting to rob the place. Her eyes quickly honed in on the man in the dark suit who was stalking across the street to where she stood with two other patrol officers.**

**"Take him downtown for booking please," She instructed one officer who grasp the perp's arm and hauled him to his car. Carter then moved to meet Reese halfway. "John what are you doing here? I told you that you should lay low now with Snow and this mystery woman out there gunning for you."**

**"Carter," Reese spoke as he gently grasped her by the elbow and began walking her to the diner a few doors down. "Something's happened and I need you to come with me."**

**"Ok," Carter replied with a baffled look on her face but she did not protest as Reese tugged her along. She had grown to trust him and learned to move when he said moved, but fully intended to question him as they went. "What's up?" She inquired but before he could answer and before they could reach the diner a flashing Police car pulled up to the curb right beside them and Fusco stepped from it. "Fusco what are you doing here, I thought you were working the homicide in the Bronx." Carter said as she frowned a bit at her partner.**

**"I was but then I got a call, and I came to get you…" Fusco stumbled over his words as he sent an apologetic gaze to Reese, who he could tell was just about to tell Carter about Taylor.**

**"Ok, why…what's up?" Carter questioned. She pulled from Reese's grip and moved to Fusco's car readying to head out.**

**"Uhm…" Fusco began but then hesitated and looked to Reese for some help. Carter followed Fusco's gaze and settled her eyes on Reese for a few seconds before looking once again to Fusco.**

**"Ok somebody tell me what's going on?" She asked in a more demanding tone.**

**"Joss," It was Reese baritone voice that filled her ears and she gave him her full attention. "There's been an accident." She let the words resonate in her head before she let her eyes moved from one man to the other.**

**"An accident, is that why you're here too?" She asked as she pointed to Fusco.**

**"Yeah," Fusco answered in a deflated tone.**

**"Well what kind of acci…" The words died on her lips as she shot enlarged, fright-filled eyed back to Reese, who looked back at her not with his usual hard steely glare, or the playful gleam, but with sad, sorrowful eyes. Instantly she knew and just as quickly fell into denial and began shaking her head. "No, no…" She fumbled in her pocket until she fished out her cellphone, which she opened, and hit the speed dial. "Pick up, pick up, pick up," She whispered out the chant as she pulled nervously at her bottom lip with her free hand. When she got no answer, she ended the call and then once again hit the speed dial to call Taylor's cell. Once again, she got no answer and before she could repeat the action again, Reese's hand grasped her hand stilling her actions.**

**"Joss, I'm so sorry." He said around the lump that had formed in his throat.**

**"No!" She yelled at him as she shoved against his chest. He stumbled back a bit but did not release his hold on her hand or the cell phone. "Not Taylor, no…please…please…not my baby, please." Carter moaned out as her legs buckled and she began to crumble. Reese caught her before she hit the sidewalk. Her outburst garnered a brief glance from the people walking by. "Didn't you get his number? Why didn't you protect him?" She asked as she gripped his shirt and looked at Reese with wild tear filled eyes. "Why didn't you protect my baby?" she half screamed, half cried as her head fell against Reese's chest. Reese closed his eyes to the guilt that suddenly filled him at her question. He too wondered why Finch had not called him to tell him that Taylor's number had come up, and he planned to get that answered but first he had to deal with the devastated woman clinging to him. It was Fusco to the rescue as he moved to where they stood and tried to pull a sobbing Carter from Reese's arms. Reese did not want to let go and so tightened his embrace.**

**"Let me take her." Fusco said but still Reese held on. "Look a crowd's gathering and I know you don't want to draw attention to yourself, so let me take care of her." The words made Reese relinquish his hold on Carter and she despondently moved to Fusco who took her to his car. Reese watched as Fusco put Carter in the car, his eyes locked to her face which was contorted in grief and anguish. "I'll call you and keep you in the loop." Fusco tossed out to Reese before he got into the car and drove off.**

* * *

**Reese burst through the entrance and Finch could see the anger written all over Reese's face. Finch also knew that the heated glare Reese had locked onto him were a demand for answers.**

**"It was an accident Mr. Reese. The Machine finds those who are most likely to be murdered or to commit a murder. Taylor wasn't murdered he was killed in an accident." He allowed a moment of silence to fill the room and to let his words sink in and dispel some of the anger and guilt he was sure Reese was feeling. "I take it you were able to get to Det. Carter and tell her of the accident."**

**"Yeah," Reese replied as he let his back rest against the door frame. "I don't know if she'll ever work with us again, she feels betrayed and I don't blame her."**

**"That would be a shame, she's a great asset."**

**"She's not an asset, not anymore and you know it Finch." Reese countered as he bowed his head and cast sad eyes to the floor. "She's a friend."**

**"Well I'd say that right about now she will need all of her friends. She doesn't have any real family, some distance cousins but none that are in New York. It was just her and Taylor. So maybe you should go be her friend."**

**"I don't think she wants to see me right now." Reese replied sounding defeated.**

**"She's grieving and once she gets over the initial shock of what's happened I think she'll realize that we're not to blame, and that it was a tragic accident." Finch stated as he turned from the screen to look at the emotionally exhausted man standing before him. "She's headed to the morgue to identify Taylor's body, John." He spoke more softly. "I think she going to need you whether she's ready to admit that or not." Reese blew out a heavy sigh and nodded his head before her headed back out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: So sorry for the delay I have been very sick, and actually writing this has made me feel somewhat better. Anyway thank you all for the kind reviews and I hope you enjoy this next installment and I will try not to let the next chappy take so long to post, but since I am sick and under medical treatment it may take some time so please be patient with me. ~ Pari**

* * *

**Awhile later at the morgue**

* * *

**As an officer of the law Carter had been allotted higher courtesy than other grieving family members. The Coroner had allowed her privacy and before he left for the evening told her to take as long as she needed to. So she stood by the open freezer drawer staring down at the sheet covered body lying on the steel slab. Reese had arrived before she did and stood in the shadows watching and waiting until he knew she was alone. He remained outside the room and watched Carter through the viewing window. She had reached out her shaky hands several times to pull back the sheet and each time she had yanked her hands back before it touched the sheet. Tears streamed down her face and Reese could hear pitiful moans drift out into the corridor where he stood. After nearly 2 hours of Carter building up her nerves and Reese watching over her with a Plexiglas between them, Carter finally slowly pulled the sheet back.**

**"NOOO!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she stumble back and double over a bit. She reached down and fisted the black slacks she wore, just at her thighs, as if to brace herself up. Reese took a step towards the entrance but stopped himself, rationalizing that Joss needed to deal with this part without him in the room, but he watched more closely for any signs that she might collapse. "God Please…Please don't take my baby!" She continued to scream and cry all at once. Carter then swiftly moved to Taylor's still body and began lovingly stroking his forehead, down his neck, across his chest, and then his arms. "Taylor baby," She spoke more softly, her demeanor seemingly calm. "Wake up. Wake up for momma baby. Taylor you have to wake up so we can go home. C'mon baby, wake up for momma, it's getting late and you have school tomorrow, so wake up and let's go home now, OK?" Carter said rocking as her tears continued spilling from her eyes. She grew silent and watched her son's body as if waiting for a response and when she didn't get one she grew angry. "Taylor, wake up!" She yelled as she struck her fisted hand against his chest. "Do you hear me? I said get up right now!" She demanded as she struck the body again, it was this that prompted Reese to enter the room. He reached her in time to block her next blow, grasping her hand into his.**

**"You don't wanna do this Joss," Reese said speaking softly, as he stared down at her with grief stricken eye that were wet with his own unshed tears. "Let me take you home." He offered but she yanked her hand from his in reply.**

**"Don't touch me, don't you fucking touch me." Carter hissed out as she shoved him away from her personal space. "This is your fault. You told me you'd always look out for us, you'd keep us safe. That's not safe John," She yelled as she pointed at her son's body. "That's dead!"**

**"It was an accident Joss, I…" Reese tried to reason but Carter raised her hand as she shook her head at him.**

**"No, I don't want to hear anything you have to say, and I don't want you here," She said purposely turning her back to Reese and focused back on to Taylor, who she once again stroked lovingly as she whispered endearments to him.**

**"I know that you probably hate me," Reese said and Carter stilled in her movements. She wanted to tell him that she didn't hate him, but she was too hurt and angry and that anger wouldn't let her turn and seek comfort in his arms, as she longed to do. "But I swear to God if I could trade places with Taylor right now I would, and if there were any way that I could have known…" He paused, closed his eyes, and took a calming breath before he opened his eyes again to continue. "It was an accident, a tragic accident and several parents lost their children." Now Carter's had to clamp her eyes shut and shudder at her own selfishness, but still she kept her back to him. "You're my friend Joss, and that's not something I say a lot or very easily. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me, and know that I'll always be here for you…Always. But I will respect your wishes and leave if that's what you want. I'm so sorry Joss." She felt fresh tears fall at his words, after a moment she turned to face Reese but only found an empty space.**

* * *

**Three Days Later**

* * *

**There had been overcast the entire day, and the gloom matched the sullen, sad mood of the day. Carter had been going on autopilot as she accepted the condolences of those who had attended Taylor's Funeral; her friends, colleagues, and Taylor's classmates. She had forced a smile and given her thanks, all while keeping her eyes locked to the casket where her baby lay. She had opted to do a grave side service due to the crowd that she had expected. It had only been a 30 minute service, and as mourners dispersed Carter continued to stand and stared down at the mound of dirt that covered her son's coffin. An hour after the service ended Carter still stood with Fusco right at her side, where he had been since he arrived at the cemetery.**

**"Go home Fusco," Carter's cracked voice spoke out, and she instantly realized how bitchy she sounded and she turned to him and tossed out a slight smile. "Thank you for being here with me, for staying but you have a son who is probably wondering where his Daddy is. This is your day with him, so go be with him. Don't ever waste a second and think that you'll have time later because…" She stopped as a sob escaped.**

**"Well let me take you home first." Fusco offered gently as he reached out and rubbed his hand across her back.**

**"Thanks but I already got an escort," She said as she nudged her head back and Fusco turned and looked over her shoulder. His eyes rested on Reese who was several yards off, standing next to a tree. Fusco tossed Reese a nod of acknowledgement.**

**"Alright then, but I'm gonna check on you every day, and I mean stop by to see you, until you're back on duty."**

**"You don't need to do that especially since I plan to be back on Monday." Carter stated as she gave him another half smile.**

**"Wait, Monday as in the day after tomorrow?" Fusco asked in disbelief.**

**"Yes, Monday comes after Sunday, which is tomorrow."**

**"Carter, don't you think you should take more time you know to…"**

**"To what?" She asked her tone turned icy. "Get over the fact that my son is gone and I will never see him again in this life?"**

**"Naw, that's not what I meant," He said but then grew silent because he knew that in essence that was exactly what he was saying.**

**"Fusco I'm sorry," Carter said as she reached out and touched his arm. "I appreciate your concern but honestly I can't just sit around my house knowing that Taylor won't be bounding through the door asking me what's for dinner. I'd go crazy," Fusco nodded his head in understanding. "My job is all I have now…Look I'm gonna be fine. Me and my shadow will get home fine, so you go see your son, and Fusco you give that boy a big kiss, hold him tight, and tell him how much you love him, OK?"**

**"Yeah I'll do that." He agreed and then gave her a quick hug before walking off. He stalled briefly to point to Reese and then back to Carter, to let Reese know that he was leaving Carter in Reese's hands.**

**As soon as Fusco left Reese made his way to where Carter stood. He moved right up behind her, close enough that she could feel the wool overcoat he wore scratch at her back. Carter silently lean back putting a lot of her weight against Reese's broad chest, and he wearily wrapped his arms around her. When she didn't rebuff him, he tightened his hold.  
**

**"I'm sorry," Carter was the first to speak and her words stunned Reese.**

**"You don't have anything to be sorry for," He offered and Carter chuckled at his chivalrous nature.**

**"Except blaming you personally for what happened to Taylor, I know it wasn't your fault John, I knew it even when I was yelling at you but I just…" She paused and clutched her gloved hands into a fist.**

**"You needed something tangible to blame, otherwise his death would seem purposeless, meaningless and he deserves better than that." Fresh tears formed in Carter's eyes, her lips trembled as she nodded her head.**

**"Yeah, but I never should have blamed you. You saved his life once and I believe that you would have done anything possible to save him this time if you could have." At that moment the skies opened up and a downpour began. Both Reese and Carter lifted their arms trying to shield themselves.**

**"Come on I'll take you home," Reese yelled out over the roaring of the rain. Carter hesitated as she cast her eyes back to Taylor's grave, but then gave a curt nod.**

**"Bye baby, I'll be back to see you soon." Carter said and then she and Reese hurried from the cemetery to Reese's borrowed car. By the time they had gotten into the car both of them were soaked through. Even after a 20 minute drive that ended at what looked like an abandoned four story office building, both Reese and Carter were still dripping water.**

**"This isn't my home," She said casually but inwardly she thanked him for not taking her back to her empty brownstone. She honestly didn't think she'd be able to stay there anymore, not with so many memories of Taylor there.**

**"No, it's mine and you're my first guest." Reese replied and he drove into the build's underground parking lot. He parked into the empty space closes to the elevators. "C'mon lets get you inside and get you dry." He said as he exited the driver's side. Carter, who rested her head back and gazed out the window at the huge vacant parking lot, didn't protest as Reese walked around the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. She kept silent as he helped her from the car and steered her into the elevator and up to the top loft. "Make yourself at home; the bathroom is first door on the right. Why don't you go start yourself a hot bath and I'll grab something dry for you to put on," Reese spoke as they stood just in the entrance of the loft.**

**Carter didn't argue just followed his instruction, which told Reese that she was truly exhausted, probably physically, mentally, and emotionally. He had given her one of his large white t-shirts he figured it would be large enough and probably hit her just above her knees, and then he waited as she took her bath. Reese could hear her as she cried even though she had turned on the water again, hoping to drown out her sobs. While he waited Reese put away his guns and removed his jacket and began fixing some dinner. After nearly an hour Carter emerged from the bathroom, with damp wavy hair that fell across her shoulders and down her back, wearing Reese's t-shirt. Reese stood from his bed where he had been stretched out as he awaited her. He moved to the head of the bed and pulled back the covers.**

**"You take the bed and I'll be just across the way on the couch. I made dinner it should still be warm, I'll fix you some and you can eat it in bed." He said as he patted the bed to indicate that she should crawl in. Carter moved to where Reese stood but instead of getting into the bed she tugged at Reese's belt, turning him to face her. She then leaned up on the tips of her toes and kissed him on his neck while her hands began to unlatch his belt. "Joss, stop." Reese spoke gently as he grasped her hands and stilled her movements.**

**"Why," Carter questioned as she pulled her hands from his grasp and away from his belt only to reach them up and clutch him around the back of his neck. She tugged his face down to hers and kissed him hungrily. Reese allowed the kiss for a moment, savory her taste and the feel of her body meshed to his. When he felt his body hardening he yanked back from her.**

**"No, we can't do this."**

**"I'm pretty sure we can," Carter said as she stepped to him and reached for him again with the intent of recapturing his lips. Reese gripped her around her wrist and pulled her hands down from his neck. Carter quickly yanked her hands free and then shoved against Reese's chest. When he fell back down onto the bed she straddled his lap. "I know you want me John." She announced as she leaned down and nibble his earlobe. He didn't bother denying it since his lower extremities had already told the truth.**

**"But 'you' don't really want this Joss. Right now you're lost in grief and you're looking for a way to distract yourself from the grief. Believe me I know that feeling, I drowned myself in a bottle to numb myself after I lost Jessica."**

**"Then you understand so please, John. Please I need you…I just want to forget it all for a little while. Please john, please help me forget." Carter begged and then kissed his neck and ground her naked and wet center against his hardened crotch, as fresh tears appeared in her eyes. Reese hesitated to contemplate if he should give in or not. He did understand the grief and pain she was going through, he also knew how destructive it could be. Reese feared what Carter might do if he rejected her advances, who she might turn to instead, but he also feared her reaction if he gave into her need. How would it all affect their friendship and working relationship? More than anything, he feared his own emotional reaction. He realized quite some time ago that he had develop strong feelings towards Carter and that he was both physically and sexually attracted to her. He wasn't sure that once he had felt her touch, tasted her sweetness whether he'd ever be able to give it all up. Carter took his silence as an invitation and she hastily yanked at his belt and then the zipper of his pants. Before Reese's rational side could kick in to once again try to stop her, Carter had already freed his engorged member from his pants and impaled herself down upon it.**

**"Unnngahhhhh!" Carter screamed and threw her head back to the painful burn from being stretched by Reese's girth and length, and then she smiled to the instant pleasure that hummed through her body and voided her mind to all other thoughts and feelings. Reese clamped his eyes shut and gritted his teeth as he gripped Carter's hips and rested his forehead against her breast. He was completely lost the second her hot, tight center enveloped him, and then suddenly nothing else matter except giving them both the release they now so desperately needed. She lifted up a bit whimpering as he slid from her and just before they were completely disconnected she plunged back down again, and again she cried out as her head fell back, while Reese's grip on her waist tightened and steadied her. Carter soon found a rhythm that elicited the most friction and thus the most pleasure and she gripped Reese's shoulders to give her more leverage and control to bounce up and down upon his lap, which she did at a slower pace. She dropped her head just as Reese lifted his and their eyes locked, they stared entranced for several long moments as they made love. Her head fell forward more and her forehead rested against Reese's and they both stared into each others eyes as their hips gyrated and they raced towards completion. For the next few hours the loft became filled with screams, growls, cries, and groans as the two lovers found solace in each other.**


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: It has been a long while since I have updated this, I am so sorry it took so long. Anyway I plan to finished in another chapter, maybe two. Thank you for the reviews guys, they give my muse life so keep them coming.

* * *

'Fuck!' Reese inwardly cursed for the umpteenth time as he looked at the soft bare back of Carter, who lay sleeping beside him, and then looked down at his very erect cock, which longed to be back inside of her warmth again.

He knew it was a bad idea to give into lust and fall into bed with Carter. He had known before and even during the act but it had not deterred him. He felt like a bastard because he was sure that he had taken advantage of Carter in a weak state, as she grieved the loss of Taylor.

"Fuck,"

"Mmmm...again?" Carter's sleep filled voice spoke out and Reese realized that he must have spoken out loud. Carter rolled on to her back and arched up a bit from the bed as she threw her arms above her head and stretched. The sheet that covered her naked form slipped down a bit and exposed her left breast, and Reese quickly swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes honed in on her erect nipple. With a satisfied sigh Carter settled down and turned onto the side to face Reese. "You are like the Energizer bunny, I lost count of how many times we..." She joked knowing she didn't need to finish the statement. "Not that I'm complaining." She added as she leaned over to him seeking a kiss, but Reese rebuffed her advances by quickly turning and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. "Wow I didn't know my morning breath was that bad."

"It's not that," Reese said as he stood unashamed with his back muscles flexing, and picked up his briefs from the floor and pulled them back on.

"Ok then what did I do wrong?" She questioned as she sat upright causing the sheet to fall from her breasts and bunch about her waist. Reese turned to face her but faltered when his eyes drank in the sight of her, with her bare full breast, bed hair, and make up free face. The erection he had fought down instant rose again, Carter noticed and threw out a small smirk. Reese yanked up his t-shirt from the floor and moved back to the bed.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I did." He replied as he held the t-shirt out to her. "Put this on." He commanded and Carter begrudgingly complied grasping the shirt from his hand. "This was a mistake." He said as he moved to the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee, but mostly to get away from Carter and his growing lust for her.

"A mistake? Really? When?" Carter asked angrily as she yanked on his t-shirt, hopped from the bed, and followed him into the kitchen. "I mean which time was so wrong, when you first took me in the bed, or when we did it on the floor, on top of the dresser. or...or when you followed me into the bathroom and took me on the sink and then had me straddle you while you sat on the toilet? So which time was so wrong to you John?" She asked as she placed her hands on her hip and rolled her neck a bit.

"All of it," He answered calmly even as his heart wanted to protest his thoughts. "I knew you were vulnerable and I shouldn't have taken..."

"Advantage of me?" Carter scoffed around a humorous chuckle as as she moved her hands from her hips and crossed them across her chest. "As I recall it I had to practically rape you, so you can stop feeling guilty about it ok?"

"They say you can't rape the willing," Reese mumbled out. "Joss, you just buried your son." At his words her shoulders instantly grew ridged as her glazed eyes hardened.

"You know what," She spoke out as she turned and moved back towards the bed, picking up her article of clothing as she went. "You're right, this was a mistake so why don't we just pretend that it never happened," She offered as she pulled off his shirt and began to redress. Reese could tell by the way her eyes began to water and the way she kept swallowing that he had brought her crashing back to reality. He had helped her spend the entire night and most of the morning forgetting about the death of her son and the grief that was trying to consume her. Now that falsehood of peace had crumbled. He silently watched her until she started to pull back on her heels.

"Just give me a sec to get dressed and I'll take you home." He said as he moved to retrieve his own scattered clothing.

"Don't worry about it I'll just hail a cab." She tossed out over her shoulders as she hurried to the door.

"Joss, wait," Reese spoke to her retreating back as is disappeared through the door which slammed shut behind her. By the time he had thrown on just his pants and rushed after her, he had made it down to the ground level just in time to see Carter moving around the corner of the building and out to the hustle and bustle of the city. He knew that following in his state of dress would only draw unwanted attention to himself and his home, so he went back up to his apartment and decided to give Carter some time and allow her to contact him whenever she was ready.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been 8 days since Carter had rushed from his apartment as if the Devil was chasing her. 8 days and no word from her. Reese had been tempted to stop by the precinct or her home to check on her, or have Harold spy on her. In the end he decided that he would respectfully give her the space she needed to work through her loss. However, when he pulled Fusco in on their latest case he couldn't help but ask about Carter.

"What, you don't know?" Fusco asked as he turned from peering into his binoculars to stare at Reese, who was crouched beside him on the rooftop as they both watched the apartment across the way. At Fusco's words Reese's heart rate increased and a sense of dread began to fill him. He wondered if Carter had been hurt, and cursed himself for not going to check on her. He would never forgive himself if something had happened to her while he purposely avoided her. He tried to remain calm as he took his eyes from his 'number' to looked at Fusco. "Don't you guys spy on everyone? I thought for sure you'd know what's up with Carter. She told me that she'd be back to work on Monday, but she ain't been to work all this week," Fusco stated and then put his eyes back to his binoculars. "Cap'n said she called in and said she needed more time, which is understandable. I call is goes straight to voicemail. I went by her place a few times to check on her, it's always dark and I never get an answer, so I just figured she left town for a bit. Carter has family down south so maybe she went down there." Reese was only half listening as he locked his gaze to a nearby crack in the foundation of the roof.

"Stay on him," Reese instructed as he pointed to the window across the way. He then stood and began to stroll away.

"Hey, where you going?" Fusco called after him but got no reply as Reese continued on to the rooftop exit. "What if it starts raining?" He called out again but still got no reply.

* * *

**Sometime later**

* * *

He hadn't bother knocking because as Fusco had said the house was dark. When he entered he was taken aback not only by the way the house was in disarray; fast food trash all over the place, dirty dishes piled in the sink and on the table. But the smells that assaulted his nose were intense. He moved down the hallway to the first bedroom on the left, which was Carter's. All he found there was the same trash as in the living room, fast food cartons and wrappers spewed atop the bed and clothes tossed about the room. He then moved further down the hall to Taylor's room, he pushed the door open and found that the room was immaculately clean. He let his eyes roam the room until they fell to Taylor's bed and landed on the frail looking figure wrapped up in the bedding.

"Joss," Reese said in a whisper as he swiftly moved to her. He accessed her briefly with his eyes and did a quick check of her pulse which was steady. She lay curled up on her side, clutching a Knicks jersey, which Reese knew had been Taylor's favorite. Her eyes were wide open but she was unresponsive as she stared out into nothingness. "C'mon baby talk to me," He coaxed as he gently stroked her wild, tangled hair from her face. He knew she was too far gone to hear him. He had seen the death gaze so many times during his tours of duty. "I'm here Joss, I'm here and I'm gonna take care of you." He promised more to himself than to her as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss against her forehead. Still he got no response from Carter, not even a blink. He began untangling her from the bedding and when he pushed the covers back he coughed as the overwhelming smell of her uncleanliness struck him. Reese suspected that Carter had only gotten from the bed to get food and maybe water but not much else.

He stood, walked from the bedroom, and back down the hall to Carter's room. He removed his jacket and tossed it carelessly to a chair in the room. He then unbuttoned and rolled up the cuffs of his sleeves as he entered her ensuite to run a hot bath. He didn't bother with any of the bath salts or bath beads that decorated the tub. He knew the scents would be wasted until he got her thoroughly cleaned first. Once the bath was started he moved back into the bedroom, to a bureau. He rummaged through the drawers until he found a pajama set and under garments to put on Carter once he removed her from the bath. He cleaned the bed of the wrappers that littered it, set out the clothing across the bed, turned off the bath water, and then returned to Taylor's room for Carter. Reese wanted to quickly get the filth off of Carter so he began to undress her as she lay in Taylor's bed.

"Don't work Joss, I'll get you cleaned up and as good as new," He talked to her hoping that some of his words would sink in and be heard. When he got down to just her panties and bra his hands didn't hesitate, his mind registered that there was nothing remotely sexual by the situation. Once he had discarded Carter of her clothes he gently scooped her lethargic body into his arms and took her to her bathroom. When he lowered her into the warm water, her body stiffened and her right hand reached out and clutch at his arm. Although her eyes were still unfocused and her face stoic, Reese knew that there was still a spark of something inside of her and he had to smile. "It's ok Joss, I got you. I'm right here with you baby and I'm not going anywhere...well at least not until you're well enough to kick me out." He watched her face and noticed the slight upturn at the corners of her mouth and he definitely knew then that she was still in there.

Reese spent nearly two hours washing Carter. The first bath had been a thorough scrub down which left the water a murky brown color. He removed Carter, settling her onto a large towel he had placed on the floor. He then hurriedly cleaned the tub and ran a fresh bath, placed Carter back in it and washed her hair. He repeat the act one final time and in the third and last bath he added some bath beads. After smelling them all he found the Jasmine scent, the one that he had registered in his mind upon their first meeting as 'Carter's scent'. He spoke to her throughout her bath time. He told her about several of the most dificult numbers he had worked, he even divulged some stories about when he was still a wet behind the ears kid in the services. It wasn't until he had moved to unplug the tub of her last bath that he notice her eyes were on him. He paused a moment and returned her gaze, then he moved to the towel rack to retrieve a towel for her and her eyes followed his every move. He didn't speak to her directly, just kept with his storytelling as he scooped her up into the large fluffy towel.

"Ok Joss, I'm going to set you here," He spoke softly as he settled her upon the bed. "I'm going to need you to sit up for me, just for a little bit so we can get you in some clean clothes," He didn't wait for a reply he just sat her up and then slowly moved away. When he saw that she was sitting upright on her own he smiled as he began to dress her. When he was done he pulled back the covers of her bed to see if they were soiled like Taylor's, the bedding was clean which told him that she hadn't slept in the bed but simply tossed things on top of it. He situated her in the bed, pushing her back against the plush pillows there. "I'm starving, how 'bout you? I'll go fix us some lunch. I'll be right back." Reese said as he reached out and stroked her damp hair, which had curled up a bit after its washing.

His time in the kitchen was brief as he quickly whipped up a simple lunch which consisted of a can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup, some Saltine crackers, and a cup of juice. Although Reese had said he would make 'them' some lunch the tray he settled across Joss's lap only held the one bowl, cup, and saucer with crackers. He further tested Joss' lucidness by giving her the tray and then moving away, just to see if she would feed herself. He turned his back to her and began picking up the room, but he was keenly aware of her every movement. He hadn't, however, expected to hear her scratchy voice touch his ears.

"You don't need to do that," Joss stated. Reese turned to her and hoped his excitement and joy at hearing her voice didn't display in his eyes. Although he didn't really know why he felt that he couldn't show those emotions to her. It was only fair since she had been the only person since Jessica to evoke such emotions from him.

"I don't mind," He spoke casually as if they were having their normal conversations.

"It's my mess, so I'll clean it." She said point blank and Reese knew that there was no room for arguing some points with Carter and so with a nod he dropped the article of clothing he had picked up, back to the floor. He then stood rooted in his spot watching and waiting for her next move. "Why are you here now?" Carter asked.

"It's been 8 days since..." Reese began and then the room filled with a heavy silence before Joss cut through it.

"Yeah, 8 days, so why are you here 'now'?" She asked again and Reese could not only hear the accusatory tone but also see it in her eyes. A part of him wanted to fall at her feet and beg her forgiveness, but he just stood watching her, unable to reply. "Just go," She sighed out tiredly as she rested her head back against her pillows. She locked her eyes to the bowl of soup that her stomach grumbled for, but her body wouldn't muster the energy to let her eat. When she looked back up she noticed that he was still standing there looking at her. "I don't want you here Reese," She spat out and Reese's body actually shuddered at hearing his 'formal' name on her tongue. For quiet sometime now she had only called him John, to him it meant that he was no longer a perp she was chasing and she wasn't just some number he had worked; they were friends. So that name falling from her lips angered him. "Get the hell out of my house, Now!" Carter practically growled out.

"Why, so you can waddle in your own filth again!?" He spat back at her and instantly regretted it when she flinched slightly at his words. Carter lowered her eyes back to the soup, shamefaced, as she tried to swallow back the vomit 'and' disgust that suddenly filled her. She couldn't fight off the tears that spilt from her eyes, and at seeing her face crumble and body shake with her sobs, Reese rushed to her side, and envelope her into his arms. "I'm sorry Joss...I didn't mean it," He spoke to her in a hushed tone and placed kisses about her temple in between his words.

"I need him back," Carter cried out as she clung desperately to his arms. "John, I miss him so much, it's hard to breath. I need him back..." She sobbed and Reese forced back his own grief. He just sat silently holding her, rocking her, and allowing her to cry out her anger and hurt. At that moment he had nothing else to offer her.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: thank you all for the wonderful reviews, they are very much appreciated because they feed and inspire the muse.

* * *

Today marked nine weeks Carter thought as she crossed a big red 'X' on the date in the calendar upon her desk. Officially nine weeks since she had buried Taylor. She started keeping track of the days a couple of days after Reese had found her nearly catatonic in Taylor's bed. Everyone kept telling her that it would get better with time, everyone except Reese. Without his assurance she knew it probably never would 'get better', but still she decided to keep track to know the exact date in case it did. Those first couple of days after Reese found her had been intense. She spent half the time curled up in Reese's arms crying like a baby. Other times she would rage at him for anything and everything, cursing him, hitting him, and throwing things at him. Through it all he had stayed, offering comfort whenever she needed it and calmly taking on the role as her personal punching bag without ever raising his hands in defense.

After about a week she had felt strong enough to start cleaning her house. Reese would do some cleaning after she would fall asleep but for the most part he had respected her request to allow her to 'clean her own mess'. By week two she had maneuvered herself back into her kitchen and began to share the cooking duties that Reese had taken on. During week three she had realized that he hadn't left her side and she questioned him about the numbers.

"You worry about getting better," He had said to her as he sat on the couch with her sipping a beer, watching a basketball game, while rubbing her feet which rested in his lap. "And let me worry about the numbers." She would discover later that same week that he would go out sometimes while she slept but for the most part he had placed the numbers on Harold, Fusco, and some Asian guy he had told her about once before. She knew she should have felt guilty for taking all of Reese's time from someone whose life might depend on him, but she had been in a very selfish mindset lately. So when he told her not to worry about it, she stopping worrying.

Week four was when she announced that she was going back to work. That had sparked a huge argument with Reese, who had pretty much taken up occupancy on her couch. It began as a shouting match that quickly turned physical. But this time when she tried to slap him or shoved him, Reese would catch her hands and hold them. The argument ended with them falling into bed together and staying there for two days straight. After which Reese's occupancy moved from the couch to Carter's bed.

So now it was week nine. she was back at work, in a bonafide relationship with 'the man in the suit', and with a new dilemma she wasn't sure she had the strength to deal with. It was that dilemma that had brought her to the park bench she silently sat on, beside an equally silent Reese.

"Aren't you going to even ask me about it?" Carter finally broke their 10 minutes of silence as she cut her eyes at him. "I know that you probably knew even before I did."

"I figured you'd bring it up when you were ready to discuss it." Reese replied as he sipped at one of the cups of coffee he had brought, while Carter simply held the other.

"I didn't want this." She said softly. "I don't want this!" She threw back her head and looked up to the sky as she yelled out. "I want Taylor back! I want 'my' baby...not this," She mumbled out with a heavy sigh as she dropped her head in shame at her words. For his part Reese tried not to react he remained quite looking straight ahead. Inside he wanted to scream at her, to take her by the shoulders and shake her lifeless. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," She sniffed out and Reese turned to tell her that she didn't have to apologize. But he realized when he found her looking downward and stroking her belly, that she hadn't been talking to him. "You're my baby too." She said softly as she continued to lovingly stroke her still small belly, as tears streaked her cheeks. "Uggh...I'm too old for this," She huffed out as she sniffed back her tears and wiped at her face. "I am 42 years old and you're a couple years older than me. John we are to old to be having a baby. My OBGYN actually referred to me as a geriatric pregnancy." She stated and Reese smiled but mostly because he could tell that, despite her protests, she had no intentions of aborting their child, as he had originally feared. "Isn't that when a senior citizen lady gets pregnant?" She asked seriously as she scrunched up her nose at the thought. Reese couldn't help it, he spit out the mouth full of coffee he had just took in, and laughed heartily. Carter was startled at first as she looked at the man laughing beside her as if he had lost his mind. But soon she too found herself laughing just at seeing this man who always looked so calm, cool, and collected actually having a laughing fit. She sincerely hoped Harold was somewhere watching and recording this moment for posterity.

After a few moments Reese was able to calm himself. He reached over and grabbed Carter's arm and pulled her closer, he then wrapped his arm around her. "Well, you are without a doubt the sexiest senior citizen pregnant lady I have ever seen." He joked and Carter playfully punched him in his gut. She then nestled in his embrace and rested her head against his chest as they watched the little kids run around and play in the park.

"Ok, when we bring this kid to the park I'm calling 'bench duty' and you get the 'chasing them around the park duty'." Carter said as she watched the young mothers running around after their toddlers. Just the sight of them exhausted her.

"Alright," Reese concede with a nod. "When they get old enough to be spanked you get the 'mean mommy, disciplinary duty' and I'll take the 'cool daddy, favorite parent duty'." He felt Carter's body shake as she laughed.

"Do you think Taylor..." She begin to speak but found she was beginning to choke up.

"This baby," Reese interjected as he placed a hand over top her hand which still rested protectively over her belly. "Could never replace Taylor. I think Taylor would have been happy and excited about having a little brother or sister." Carter smiled at his words.

"Yeah from the age of 4 to about 8 that was listed in the letters he wrote to Santa." She shared and brought another smile to Reese's face. "So we're gonna have a baby,"

"Yeah we're gonna have a baby," Reese confirmed as he nodded and tightened his hold on her.

* * *

End Notes: Well that's all folks. I told you I planned to finish this up in a couple of chapters, and I did. Yes this is the end of this story, unless someone else wants to add their version of the next chapter(s), please feel free. I have another POI serial that has lil Ms. Vivian Reese Carter, a Creese baby, and I don't want to muddle two Creese baby stories. So look for another book from that serial soon. Thank you guys for reading this. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
